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short stories

What is Abuse and how do I get away from it?

First off, before I even get into the subject the title shows, I must say a few things. I am not a physician, psychologist or a psychiatrist. I am going to simply put out some information, from my years of knowing people on both sides of this issue. If you are in an abusive situation, I urge you to seek help now! I believe that I can put a spin on things that may help you see what I have found to be a problem and a possible solution to that problem. Please do not take my word as gospel of what you are going through. Keep in mind, I am just a writer, giving my opinion. If you are in danger, get help immediately!

A woman sitting on the floor with her hands up in a defensive matter, protecting herself

Let’s first look at what is considered abuse. Most people believe abuse as a physical hurting of another, usually a husband hitting his wife. This is abuse, but there is another form of abuse that most people never think about. Verbal abuse can destroy a person as fast as physical abuse, and in many ways become the worst case scenario. Verbal abuse can lead into physical abuse.

I want to first talk about physical abuse. If you are a man and are hitting your wife or children, you have a problem that needs to be taken care of immediately! You should never hit your wife, period! As far as your children, if you are spanking them, make sure you never do so out of anger. Any other type of hitting your children is an absolute wrong. I will not lean one way or the other on this issue. You are responsible for the discipline of your children. To further your education on spanking, let’s take a look at what the definition of spanking is.

noun

  1. an act of slapping, especially on the buttocks as a punishment for children.”you deserve a good spanking”

The key factor about spanking, is never do so when you are angry. You have to remember how much strength you have and how easily you can hurt your child. By the way, this goes for you too, ladies, never spank your child while you are angry. Spanking can be a form of discipline however, if done while in an angry state of mind constitutes abuse.

A man points and verbally abuses his spouse

Men, Never hit a woman! Part of being a man is learning control of your body and emotions. You should have been taught that growing up, but some of you did not receive that lesson of life. Men are naturally stronger than women, especially in our upper bodies. Not only is it the wrong thing to do, it can cause great harm to whom you are hitting. Men are known for their self-control for a reason. If you lose control, make sure you are alone or with your male buddies, who can help control you. This is a huge #1 lesson for a man to learn. Don’t let your true temper show when there are women or children around. None of us really want to hurt our bride or children. Don’t allow it to happen, because being sorry later doesn’t fix anything. They may forgive you, given time, but you will never forgive yourself.

I have talked a little about Men hitting women, but ladies, I have something to tell you as well, and you’re probably not going to like it. It takes great control for a man to hold his temper to a lower level, if you ladies hit your man, you may be tempting fate. Don’t hit him and hope he doesn’t hit you back. Most of us have control to not snap, but there are those that don’t have this control, especially while drinking or under other forms of mind-altering substances. If he hits you, he is completely in the wrong, but just don’t help him get there by hitting him first. I want to add here that I have been talking about husbands and wives, this also is for boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancée, or any other couple out there. I guess the biggest difference is, if your boyfriend is beating you up, and you go ahead and marry him, you are asking for trouble. It would be bad enough to keep dating and see how many times he hurts you. Remember, if he will do it once, there’s a great chance there will be a repeat in your future.

A man yells at his spouse, while their daughter sits on the floor, covering her ears in fear

The main issue people are not learning is, “we must respect each other“. If you are hitting one another, there is no respect, and you shouldn’t be together in the first place. Of course, there are always the instances where people change and become someone else. If this is the case, there is a reason, and it usually involves the substances, mentioned above, like alcohol. Ladies and gentlemen, if you meet your mate in a bar, the writing should be in letters ten feet tall to look deeper before you commit to a relationship.

I have discussed abusing and being abused, but how do we change what is happening? If you are the abuser, you need to move out and seek help immediately! It may be hard to leave your family, but until you get help, you need to get out before things get worse. If you love your family, get help, and there may be a chance of getting them back. If you lose them because you left, at least you will have peace in your heart that your family is safe. This would be the hard lesson #2. Remember, there is help for you, and you don’t have to do it alone. There are plenty of places willing to help you with your anger issues.

Woman and her child pack a suitcase to leave.

Ladies, if you are being physically abused, get your children and leave. The longer you stay, the harder it will be, and the chances of serious injury or even death for you and your children will gain in percentage, not lower. If he is out of control, it will continue to get worse until he gets the help he needs. He can apologize all he wants, but if he has let the beast out more than once, it will continue. I say more than once, I would like to say the first time, but I know that I would be talking to a brick wall. I know you women always want to believe it was a one time thing. Furthermore, I pray that you are right, but studies show this not with good odds. When he beats you or your children up the second time, will you give him a third?

It’s very scary to be in a situation where you think of being trapped or that he will find you. I feel for you, I really do, but if you don’t get out of that situation, it is only going to get worse. You know when he won’t be home. You know where you can find a police station, or a relative to get to. Don’t let yourself or your children become a statistic on the news. Especially if you have children, get them out of this situation to a safe place.

Now, most people don’t want to talk about it, but there are instances where the wife is the physical abuser. This doesn’t happen as often, but it does happen. The same goes for you gentlemen, if your wife is abusive to you, you need to get out. If your wife is abusive to your children, get them out and make sure to seek help with the nearest authorities. By authorities, I mean the police. This falls under a little different circumstance, because it is rare and people don’t want to believe the wife as the abusive one. You want to make sure to go directly to the authorities, so your wife can’t say you kidnapped your children. If you do anything else, you might be charged for kidnapping, since you are the man. I know this isn’t right, but society is what it is. Get your children to safety, this is the most important thing.

I have gone over what I believe about physical abuse. Now let’s talk a little about verbal abuse. Do you realize that verbal abuse, even though not taken care of by authorities as it should be, can actually be worse than physical abuse? First let me say that physical abuse usually consists of verbal abuse at the same time, but not mentioned very often. Verbal abuse, by itself, can be a lifelong tragedy. Someone can verbally cause their partner to commit suicide. If the verbally abused person does get out and away from their abuser, they may never be able to trust another person, ever. They can lose the ability to function in society, because they have been torn down so badly, they can no longer make decisions on their own. Verbal abuse can become a brainwashing that may never be fixed. Verbally abused people lose all self-esteem and can go into deep depression that may control the rest of their lives.

A man, with his hand raised, has a woman up against a wall, using verbal abuse.

Most of the time, verbal abuse starts slow and grows from there (degrading your spouse, calling him/her hurtful names or telling him/her they are useless). It is a constant tear down of one’s mind. The abused person becomes dependent upon the one that is abusing them, and believing they themselves can’t get along without the one abusing them. Verbal abuse may later become physical abuse, but they are so beaten down by then, they start feeling they deserve the physical abuse. Do you see why I say verbal abuse can be worse than physical abuse? It is a tear down of one’s mental ability, and can be considered brainwashing. If this is done slowly enough, the person doesn’t even realize it’s happening until it’s beyond repair.

I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination, however I have known people in all aspects of what I have written. I hope that you have found some comfort in and possibly even some helpful advice. If you are in an abusive situation, whether you are the abused person or the one being abusive, there are those of us who care and want you to get help. Take care and remember, God loves you, and we love you too. Don’t give up who you are! Take care my friends, I wholeheartedly believe in you, and believe you can make, and have a better life.

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Sometimes love isn’t enough

       People fall in love and usually get married soon after. Is love the leading factor in marriage? Of course, it is, but is love the only thing that is needed in a marriage to make it work? This I believe would be a hard no! There are many other factors that are necessary to make a marriage work and last.

Man and woman just married, embraced

       What are the factors that add up to a good marriage and are needed to hold it together. As we grow and change as people, do we need more than what was first given? How are we able to hold the vow of better or worse till death? When the worse shows its ugly self, do we have what it takes to stay within that vow? As the marriage grows in age, what once was plenty, now is not enough.

       A married couple that has been together for many years, know each other’s good and bad sides. The problem lies where the bad tends to grow faster in one’s soul if not taken into great depths of consideration. There may be something that he/she did that was cute when you first married, but now becomes a thorn in your side.

      Many long term marriages end and both the husband and wife will say, “We just grew apart.” Is this reality, or is this just a way of saying they no longer have any new to look forward to? It’s like working on an assembly line putting that one little part in a toy over and over again, a million times. After the hundred-thousandth time, you tend to get bored. Where do we go from here when it’s the same routine with no end?

      If you don’t keep your marriage fresh, it will wither and die like the lettuce in your refrigerator. When it gets to that point, do you continue and let the love die the same way everything else in the union has, or do you allow your partner to leave with love still a factor? The song by the “Beatles” states, “all you need is love”, but we must remember, it’s just a song and doesn’t fit real life.

        So where are the answers that we need to continue what so long ago was wonderful and fresh? This is not an easy question to answer, but if you wish to keep things together, it must involve both sides to want it. If one side decides, the marriage must end, the other side is better off to let them go. Holding on will just cause more problems when the time has finally come to call it quits.

Married man and woman, both with crossed arms, discussing divorce

      Have you quit doing the things that made your significant other fall in love with you in the first place? If this is true, and you want to save your marriage, it’s time to bring those things back into existence. This is not a guarantee by any means, but it is better than giving up what you don’t wish to lose. Is there one cheating on the other? In this case, the marriage has already headed into the depths of destruction, and the chances of a reconciliation is extremely hard. It is very difficult for the other side to e ever trust him/her again, ever!

      All marriages go through rough patches, and only the strong survive. People are naturally selfish and want what best for themselves. The hardest marriages to keep connected, are those where the two people are of different religions. This puts a great weight on the marriage and there must be a true respect for one another, more so than those of the same religion.

      Once married, the two become one and, if you do not believe this, your marriage is already on the rocks. If one tries to have control of the other, this is slavery, not marriage. This is where people make their biggest mistake. It’s all even between the two until the honeymoon is over, then both wish to have control. If this is you, you are already failing in your marriage. This is something to be thought of before you ever get married. Are you willing to share your life with this other person, and are they willing to share theirs with you?

       Arguments are going to happen, but abuse should never even cross your thinking, even during the worst argument. Abuse can be physical as well as mental. Belittling your spouse is almost as bad as striking them. Have you ever considered this?

       So love is a huge part of marriage, but there are other aspects to it. You must think through all aspects if you wish to celebrate your twenty-fifth or fifty anniversary. It’s a long haul with many bumps along the way. A long marriage consists of two strong people willing to give, even when you would rather take. And last of all, if there are kids involved, don’t ever make them feel they had anything to do if a divorce is immediate. Make sure you both are civil with one another when you are around the kids. Also, don’t ever say anything bad about your ex, or soon to be ex, to your children. This is the number one course of action to follow.

Woman and man's hand together shows wedding bands

I have now been married for twenty-one plus years, and we have found a way to make it work through the good times and bad. Marriage takes work and complete respect for each other. Without this, we would never have lasted five years, guarantee. When I started writing this post, I was deep in an argument with my beloved. I can say the finishing touches of this post has ended with the argument over and peace in our household. If you wish to ask, which one of us won the argument, the answer is both of us. We are one and will be until death do us part.

I hope I find all of you that are married, or thinking of marriage, in good spirits and with peace in your home. If there are those reading this that are going through a divorce, I wish you well, and I hope you both find what you are looking for. Take care and God bless.

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Eye for an eye can cut both ways

      We have all heard the expression “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” If you haven’t then let me explain what I believe this means. In very simple terms, you will be treated as you treat others or treat others as you wish to be treated. Either way you look at it, it should be very personal to you. If you hurt others, except hurt to come your way. This may not be from the one you hurt, but it will show up. If you treat others with respect, respect you shall have.

Man pointing and yelling

     I don’t understand how some people can be so hateful to others and expect good things to come their way. They seem to take the expression, that I mentioned above, differently. They feel that if someone hurts them, they must in turn hurt that person. The problem with this is you have just set yourself up to be hurt again. It is better to forgive and let that person be delt with by someone else. This allows you to be rid of the situation. Of course, I didn’t say to forget, I said to forgive them. It is wise to remember those that hurt you and what they did, so you won’t be hurt by them again.

      I realize this can be a very hard lesson to learn, but the quicker you learn it, the faster you will find the peace we all seek. Most people will take sayings like this one and distort the words to fit what they wish to believe and not what the meaning truly was meant to be. This form of distortion has been going on ever since the first words were formed. One person will read what is written and take from it what they want, while a different person can read the same words and come up with a completely different meaning.  This is usually from using feeling instead of wisdom while reading. That sounds awful, but if you think about it, isn’t this true? There is one exception that seems to always show up,  and that is whether it is truth or fiction. Why can we all read a fiction book that someone has written and come to the same conclusion, but read something that is factual and let the war of words begin.

Church in the countryside

     It may seem that I have gotten off subject, however I don’t believe so. This all comes down to what you wish to believe and what you are willing to fight for. The title I have picked for this post fits very well because it all comes down to what we see to begin with. Why do you think there are so many denominations of churches that fall under the same umbrella of what the followers believe? Why do certain churches believe a verse and others omit it? Yes, I did just turn this into a spiritual post. I never said one way or the other of how each of you believe. (I will state here that I intentionally left out part of what I believe our saying is about, just to get you to read on. This being said. I will add, “Be careful how you treat God and his children.” I will leave it at that for now). Furthermore, I’m just giving you a starting point for questioning why there are so many religions out there today. Every religious sector believes they are correct and everyone else is wrong. And yet, don’t we all seek basically the same thing after life?

       We teach our children to believe the way we believe. And when your child reads something like, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”, are we not making them see the way we see? What happens when they see this different from what we do? Maybe they are looking at the words before and after, learning what the writer meant and not just how Mom and Dad feel about it? Maybe they have learned there is more to the story than just one sentence.

Girl holding knife in one hand a d doll in other hand
How do you view, “An eye for an eye?”

      It is a good thing to feel what you believe, but you must also use wisdom while reading something that has been written for fact, not fiction. How do you view the phrase, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth?” There are many ways to view this, which one will you choose? Just as a precaution, keep this in mind. An eye for an eye can cut both ways! Be careful that you read the words before and after before making your decision. Sayings like these were written with a purpose and not meant just to be used as cliff notes.

      I look forward to your views, and I am here to discuss this with you. Make sure to leave your comments below, so others will also understand the different views on this subject. I will leave it at that for now. Take care and God bless.

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Children change parents

Having children changes our whole outlook on life and how we live it. When we become parents, we become different people. We are now responsible for another life not just our own. Our thought patterns become what we would once describe as alien. Is the party really over or is it just beginning? This is definitely determined by how you receive the great gift of parenthood.

Who is ready to be a parent for the first time? Most people would answer this question in one of two ways, either they say they are definitely ready or they say they don’t want children at all. Now the people that commit with the, “I don’t want children” are usually the ones that get the biggest surprise and are transformed into, ” I want more children!” So what happened to them when they received the greatest gift in the world? The answer is, their hearts were all of the sudden changed and love was allowed to flow through. They put aside their selfishness and now it’s all about the child. These people, most of the time, become some of the greatest parents that there are.

A Mother and Father holding their baby in their laps

What about the people that say they are ready for that first bundle of joy? Well, that’s when you see the ones who are overwhelmed by the gift they have received. These parents are the ones who have read all kinds of books and have set their minds knowing every thing about being a parent before the child has even arrived. The very first thing these parents learn, once the child arrives, is they absolutely know nothing about being a parent. All the books that have been studied, all the hours talking to people about becoming a parent and all the preparations made to the child’s room to make it perfect gets thrown right out the window. “That’s not what the book said would happen!” “How can my child find a way to get hurt after making this room so safe?” Why when I use the rocking chair and soothing music, it’s not putting my baby to sleep like the book said?” These are just examples that I’m throwing out but you will find different things that work with some children but not all children. The simple truth is, all people are different and that little bundle of joy you are holding is, well, a people too!

So we have now looked at both extremes of parents. There are also those that fall in the middle of the two, not quite to one side or the other. So if all children are different, then we must change to take care of our child. This little tiny person is going to change who you are whether you like it or not. This baby will also find ways to surprise you and come up with things to do that you never would have dreamed of in a million years. This little bundle of joy will find ways to drive you close to insanity.

Baby laying on a blanket

So if having children is such a chore and causes you grief as he or she grows and learns new things, why do we want them. Why, oh why after having one, would we want another to drive us even closer to insanity? Some would say it’s nature and that, of course is part of it but the main reason we keep having them? Face it it comes down to love. Love, the emotion that no one can explain. Love, the feeling that makes your heart leap.

It’s okay to change into what your baby needs. The greatest gift in the world requires and deserves this change we all go through. When you are down to your last nerve and your beautiful son or daughter is standing on it, just remember, your parents made it through raising you and that last nerve made it through with them! Your child is part of our future and requires your love to flow and teach them so they can hang on to their last nerve when their baby arrives.

You are now a parent and you are no longer who you were. You are now a new person with a new outlook on life. You are now responsible for the gift you have received. Take charge of the situation. Change what must be changed. And most of all, hold true to the love for your child and he/she will hold their love for you. One day all the stresses your child brought to you will be returned to them and you can watch your child down to that last nerve as you sit back and enjoy it as a grandparent.

Grandmother and grandfather holding their grand babies

Who is ready to be a parent? The answer is no one and everyone. You will not be ready to be a parent until you are one. The day you become a parent, you will find that day, that you are now ready.

I hope you enjoyed reading this piece. I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Leave your replies in the comments section below. Until next time, take care, God bless and as always Remember, we are all in this together.

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Age brings strength and toughness through Wisdom

     As I get older, I’m amazed how much tougher I have gotten. I don’t look to show off how tough I can be but when the time comes, I can handle things I would’ve thought twice about in my youth. When I was younger, I had more muscle and less brains. Now I have less muscle but my wisdom has shown me how to use the gift of strength without being muscle bound. I was never a muscle bound boy, let’s get that straight right now but I did have muscle showing and I was fairly strong.

Middle-aged man sitting down reading newspaper

      The difference I guess between then and now is knowing how to use my body and put aside the pain I once wouldn’t have been able to do. If I come across a situation that should be a two man job but I am alone, I can muster up the strength to get the job done. I never could understand how older men with frail looking body’s  could show so much strength when needed. I now understand how this can be, as I am now an older man.

     Explaining this phenomenon would be near to impossible for me to do but I’m going to try to do just that as simply as possible. When we are young, we go at a situation like a bull in a china shop. As we mature, we gain what only can be possible through years of training and experience. This is of course wisdom. Wisdom cannot be taught, it has to be earned through many victories as well as failures. Most of all it’s the failures that teach us the most.

Young man holding baseball bat on his shoulder

      Young, dumb and full of muscles will ultimately get you injured and here lies the lesson, “don’t do it that way again!” Alas, wisdom is starting to take hold in that thick skull. Time and time again, hurting one’s self by picking something up the wrong way or rushing into something before thinking about the situation you are putting yourself into is gaining muscle strains and bruising. Once again I must say this is good training for later in life when the muscles are no longer one of your greatest assets. You now must use the wisdom that has come from the mistakes of the past.

     I guess what I’m trying real hard to get across to you is wisdom is strength in more ways than you can imagine and you will need this great asset when your body starts to show the wear and tear that you have put it through all those years gone by. When your children have grown up and left the household, you will still need to do some of the back breaking work that was there when you had your children to help. Unless you have a lot of money to hire somebody whenever you need to replace that refrigerator, stove, couch or whatever it is that takes strength to move, you must take care of it yourself along with the wisdom you have gained through the years.

Man lifting weights with a Superman shirt on

     When the time comes and you have to push the love seat up the stairs to the second floor where your wife would like to have it in the spare room, you just do it! When your children come to visit and see what you have done, well, you my friend will look like Superman to them. And all it took was a small dose of wisdom and knowing how to use leverage to get the task done. When your children ask how you did it, you can simply smile and say it was your inner brute strength! Let them figure it out when they get to be your age, don’t spoil the wisdom trail they must follow to get where you are. Besides, they haven’t gained the wisdom you have yet to understand it anyway. If you try to explain it to them, they either won’t listen or would think your off your rocker.

Enjoy your age and the wisdom you have gained along the way. You deserve being thought of as Superman by your children. Take care, God bless and Remember, we are all in this together.

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A compassionate soul no more

    As society has grown more and more with the greatness of discoveries in technology, we as humans are also losing something that truly makes us human in the first place. Showing compassion for one another has taken a back seat and being self absorbed has taken the forefront. We are in self destruction mode and becoming more robot like and losing the humanity which makes us different from all other creatures.

    I believe showing compassion for one another puts us in God’s good graces. However, nowadays we are so into things like computers and cell phones that are able to think for us, we are rapidly becoming distant from one another. Of course, we can call our friends and talk to them but the words are just words with no feeling behind them. Someone may say they are having a hard time financially or that they have just had a loved one pass away and we say how sorry we are while looking at a post of a cat doing funny things online. There is a disconnect from our true compassion because of our inability to focus on what is being said since we can talk on the phone and surf the net at the same time.

Lady with her head in her hands sitting at desk with computer and cell phone

    People have started posting their life stories on social media of both good and bad instead of consulting their families or churches directly. Once posted, these things are glanced over and never taken seriously because of the amount of things like these put on so frequently. There are no surprises left in society. It’s all out there and payed very little attention to by others. Everyone has that sad story they want people to know about and the most compassion they receive is a click that shows a sad face. Another problem lies because of the competition of so many posts. You may want someone to truly feel your pain and give you the hug that you need but with posting on social media, it must be much worse than the other friend that is posting their problems to be noticed. We unintentionally make our problems look much worse then they are. Unfortunately, we start believing what we have written and it really does make our problems worse then they started out being.

    Communication is just a click away and means absolutely nothing anymore. How can we show our compassionate soul to someone through words on a website? We are becoming robots with feelings that are no longer active. Once a trip to visit grandma was a big deal for a child, now it has becomes nothing more than a video chat. No more running into open arms, just a smiling face on a computer screen is what the child has to look forward to. Social events are now done through conference calls. We are no longer showing our humanity. We are too busy and no longer need to schedule that event. Just pick up your smart phone and socialize while riding the exercise bike at home.

    Are we going to get back to talking with the loved ones in person? It’s looking like that is just a thing of the past. Even if we socialize in person, we must stay six feet away and wear mask today because of the pandemic that is going around. This virus is helping us become less socialized in person and helping our robot side take more of our humanity away. We must change our way of thinking. We need each other to survive and we need each other to keep our humanity. If within the first few sentences your grandchild asks, when seeing you in person, is “Can I use your computer?” then there is a problem showing itself directly to you.

    Compassion has also taken a back seat when we do see others in person that need our help. The family with the cardboard sign on the side of the road no longer pulls at our heart strings. We over look them because we are in a hurry and besides, why can’t they take care of themselves? It never crossed our minds that they just lost their home in a fire and because of the way society is today, there is no family to help them. The computer burned up in the fire and so they are cut off from family and friends.

Lady shows compassion for another female

    Compassion is a form of love that seems to be put on the wayside in today’s world. It is so sad but true and with this loss, we have come one step closer to losing one of the greatest things that make us who we are. Don’t let your compassion for others be taken away or you too will become the robot that society is trying to change us into. Show compassion for your family, friends and others that need your shoulder to lean on when times are tough. Don’t become the mind numb robots that only shows feeling by clicking the thumbs up symbol.

    Don’t let this new society take away your compassion. Don’t allow your children to grow up without this great human quality. Stand up against those who are leading us down a path of becoming mind numb robots. If you are one whom is trying to keep humanity on the right track, I want to personally thank you. If it seems the walls are closing in and you feel that you are fighting an unwinnable battle, think again and Remember, we are all in this together. 

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Lessons parents learn

Everyone has that moment when they realize that their value system is different from their parents. This is the point when we have entered that grown up phase of our lives. For some it happens in their twenties, for others, it can happen later in life. There are others that may never see the grown up phase enter their lives.

Toddler looking up

Our parents teach us the best that they know how at the time. All parents make mistakes and they along with the child will learn from those experiences. As we enter the grown up phase and have children of our own, we take what we have learned from our parents and use what we consider to be the best with the knowledge we have at the time. We in turn, will make mistakes that we and our children will learn from. And so the process continues down to our grandchildren and so on.

Nobody has the perfect solution to raising a child. You may believe you do but there will be things that happen that will surpass your knowledge and change the way you see parenting. This will be the time when you discover that you don’t know everything about being a parent and you will gain a knowledge of why all parents make mistakes.

Every young couple that has their first child will think they have everything under control. They will believe that they will be able to raise their child in a better way then their parents raised them. This will last for awhile until the surprise something comes along. Just like when you were a teenager and truly believed that you knew everything, one day you will find out that you actually know very little. This is when you can consider yourself as a grownup.

Young girl hugs her grandfather

I am now a grandfather to five grandchildren and I am watching as my children learn that being a parent is the hardest job in the world. One day you believe that you are the perfect parent, just to find out how little you really know.

Don’t worry and knock yourself over the head when this happens. Once you become a grandparent, you will be able to sit back and watch your children learn the same lesson. All parents go through this and it’s not easy to do but it is very rewarding. Once you watch your children with their children using alot of your techniques that you used, then changing somethings they feel you did wrong, just to find out they just created a different set of problems.

Mother and father holding their child between them

To all parents that will pay attention, you will make mistakes but do what you think is right at the time and you will be fine. Parenting is a mathematical equation without a solution. Being a parent is the hardest job you will ever do but it also has the greatest rewards.

Take care all my parenting readers and Remember, we are all in this together.

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I love you but…..

woman in white dress shirt sitting beside woman in white long sleeve shirt

Divorce is happening more often as a percentage not because of growing apart but because of the selfishness of both partners. Neither side of the relationship is willing to grow up and take responsibility. This has caused a trigger in alot of young adults to have babies but never get married. The thought of divorce has caused overwhelming fear of commitment. If you believe in marriage or not, is your business. But without this bond, you are just telling your partner that you don’t love them enough to sign the contract. You never have to say this aloud but mentally, this is what is being picked up. The male will always have in the back of his mind that she will leave him any day now. The female will always believe she is not worthy of him.

Man and woman sitting on couch. Man looking away and woman looking sad
Together without true bond

Another reason, is that the government is pushing people away from getting hitched. It is becoming easier to make a living when the contract isn’t signed. The tax break for being married is weakening and it is much easier to get government help if you don’t have to show that there is a spouse helping with the children. Divorce, in most states, consists of the parents doing their due diligence until the youngest child turns eighteen (in some cases until the child is twenty-one). It is much easier for the partners, if the marriage never exists, depending on state laws, of course.

Young people no longer want to be tied down until death do them part. Of course, if there are children, then the parents will still be attached if they like it or not. But who is it that truly pays for this lack of commitment? The children of course and their children. You have taught your children this is the way to live. We all learn the environment we are in.

Father and mother holding hands with their daughter taking a walk
Your children deserve your commitment

Leaving the door open and not sealing it with the commitment of marriage is just like quitting before you even begin. This is just a way to play house without taking on your responsibilities. Of course you are going to be completely destroyed if your partner cheats on you but without the commitment, are they truly cheating or using this time to expand their horizon? There is no contract to break other than the verbal boyfriend/girlfriend rules. Neither one of you have taken a stand for yourself to be with this one man or woman. You have also decided not to take a stand for your partner or, worse of all, your children.  All you have done is split the bills and hope the other doesn’t do you wrong. At the same time you are telling your partner that you are also looking around, even if you aren’t.

Another way to think about this is, both of you buy a car together or house and both of your names are on the contract. You are betting on each other that both of you will hold up responsibilities of making the payments on said property.  So what both of you have decided is that car or house deserves a contract signed by each of you but neither of you are good enough to have a contract with. I could go on and on about this subject. I choose to leave it as it is because I believe I have given you something to think about. No matter what your religion is or your thoughts of marriage as an institution, don’t your children deserve this commitment in their lives? Your marriage may or may not work out but don’t let the fear hold you back. Take a chance on your beloved and no matter what happens, your children will reap the benefits of your commitment.

Man and woman getting married
True faith and belief in each other

These ideas are truly of my own thinking and not to dismantle anyone who doesn’t agree with me. If I didn’t write what I feel in my heart, then I’m just writing to pass the time. I will never publish anything that I don’t truly believe and feel that it needs to be written. Take care, love one another, step up to the plate and Remember, we are all in this together.