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Sometimes love isn’t enough

       People fall in love and usually get married soon after. Is love the leading factor in marriage? Of course, it is, but is love the only thing that is needed in a marriage to make it work? This I believe would be a hard no! There are many other factors that are necessary to make a marriage work and last.

Man and woman just married, embraced

       What are the factors that add up to a good marriage and are needed to hold it together. As we grow and change as people, do we need more than what was first given? How are we able to hold the vow of better or worse till death? When the worse shows its ugly self, do we have what it takes to stay within that vow? As the marriage grows in age, what once was plenty, now is not enough.

       A married couple that has been together for many years, know each other’s good and bad sides. The problem lies where the bad tends to grow faster in one’s soul if not taken into great depths of consideration. There may be something that he/she did that was cute when you first married, but now becomes a thorn in your side.

      Many long term marriages end and both the husband and wife will say, “We just grew apart.” Is this reality, or is this just a way of saying they no longer have any new to look forward to? It’s like working on an assembly line putting that one little part in a toy over and over again, a million times. After the hundred-thousandth time, you tend to get bored. Where do we go from here when it’s the same routine with no end?

      If you don’t keep your marriage fresh, it will wither and die like the lettuce in your refrigerator. When it gets to that point, do you continue and let the love die the same way everything else in the union has, or do you allow your partner to leave with love still a factor? The song by the “Beatles” states, “all you need is love”, but we must remember, it’s just a song and doesn’t fit real life.

        So where are the answers that we need to continue what so long ago was wonderful and fresh? This is not an easy question to answer, but if you wish to keep things together, it must involve both sides to want it. If one side decides, the marriage must end, the other side is better off to let them go. Holding on will just cause more problems when the time has finally come to call it quits.

Married man and woman, both with crossed arms, discussing divorce

      Have you quit doing the things that made your significant other fall in love with you in the first place? If this is true, and you want to save your marriage, it’s time to bring those things back into existence. This is not a guarantee by any means, but it is better than giving up what you don’t wish to lose. Is there one cheating on the other? In this case, the marriage has already headed into the depths of destruction, and the chances of a reconciliation is extremely hard. It is very difficult for the other side to e ever trust him/her again, ever!

      All marriages go through rough patches, and only the strong survive. People are naturally selfish and want what best for themselves. The hardest marriages to keep connected, are those where the two people are of different religions. This puts a great weight on the marriage and there must be a true respect for one another, more so than those of the same religion.

      Once married, the two become one and, if you do not believe this, your marriage is already on the rocks. If one tries to have control of the other, this is slavery, not marriage. This is where people make their biggest mistake. It’s all even between the two until the honeymoon is over, then both wish to have control. If this is you, you are already failing in your marriage. This is something to be thought of before you ever get married. Are you willing to share your life with this other person, and are they willing to share theirs with you?

       Arguments are going to happen, but abuse should never even cross your thinking, even during the worst argument. Abuse can be physical as well as mental. Belittling your spouse is almost as bad as striking them. Have you ever considered this?

       So love is a huge part of marriage, but there are other aspects to it. You must think through all aspects if you wish to celebrate your twenty-fifth or fifty anniversary. It’s a long haul with many bumps along the way. A long marriage consists of two strong people willing to give, even when you would rather take. And last of all, if there are kids involved, don’t ever make them feel they had anything to do if a divorce is immediate. Make sure you both are civil with one another when you are around the kids. Also, don’t ever say anything bad about your ex, or soon to be ex, to your children. This is the number one course of action to follow.

Woman and man's hand together shows wedding bands

I have now been married for twenty-one plus years, and we have found a way to make it work through the good times and bad. Marriage takes work and complete respect for each other. Without this, we would never have lasted five years, guarantee. When I started writing this post, I was deep in an argument with my beloved. I can say the finishing touches of this post has ended with the argument over and peace in our household. If you wish to ask, which one of us won the argument, the answer is both of us. We are one and will be until death do us part.

I hope I find all of you that are married, or thinking of marriage, in good spirits and with peace in your home. If there are those reading this that are going through a divorce, I wish you well, and I hope you both find what you are looking for. Take care and God bless.

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I love you but…..

Divorce is happening more often as a percentage not because of growing apart but because of the selfishness of both partners. Neither side of the relationship is willing to grow up and take responsibility. This has caused a trigger in alot of young adults to have babies but never get married. The thought of divorce has caused overwhelming fear of commitment. If you believe in marriage or not, is your business. But without this bond, you are just telling your partner that you don’t love them enough to sign the contract. You never have to say this aloud but mentally, this is what is being picked up. The male will always have in the back of his mind that she will leave him any day now. The female will always believe she is not worthy of him.

Man and woman sitting on couch. Man looking away and woman looking sad
Together without true bond

Another reason, is that the government is pushing people away from getting hitched. It is becoming easier to make a living when the contract isn’t signed. The tax break for being married is weakening and it is much easier to get government help if you don’t have to show that there is a spouse helping with the children. Divorce, in most states, consists of the parents doing their due diligence until the youngest child turns eighteen (in some cases until the child is twenty-one). It is much easier for the partners, if the marriage never exists, depending on state laws, of course.

Young people no longer want to be tied down until death do them part. Of course, if there are children, then the parents will still be attached if they like it or not. But who is it that truly pays for this lack of commitment? The children of course and their children. You have taught your children this is the way to live. We all learn the environment we are in.

Father and mother holding hands with their daughter taking a walk
Your children deserve your commitment

Leaving the door open and not sealing it with the commitment of marriage is just like quitting before you even begin. This is just a way to play house without taking on your responsibilities. Of course you are going to be completely destroyed if your partner cheats on you but without the commitment, are they truly cheating or using this time to expand their horizon? There is no contract to break other than the verbal boyfriend/girlfriend rules. Neither one of you have taken a stand for yourself to be with this one man or woman. You have also decided not to take a stand for your partner or, worse of all, your children.  All you have done is split the bills and hope the other doesn’t do you wrong. At the same time you are telling your partner that you are also looking around, even if you aren’t.

Another way to think about this is, both of you buy a car together or house and both of your names are on the contract. You are betting on each other that both of you will hold up responsibilities of making the payments on said property.  So what both of you have decided is that car or house deserves a contract signed by each of you but neither of you are good enough to have a contract with. I could go on and on about this subject. I choose to leave it as it is because I believe I have given you something to think about. No matter what your religion is or your thoughts of marriage as an institution, don’t your children deserve this commitment in their lives? Your marriage may or may not work out but don’t let the fear hold you back. Take a chance on your beloved and no matter what happens, your children will reap the benefits of your commitment.

Man and woman getting married
True faith and belief in each other

These ideas are truly of my own thinking and not to dismantle anyone who doesn’t agree with me. If I didn’t write what I feel in my heart, then I’m just writing to pass the time. I will never publish anything that I don’t truly believe and feel that it needs to be written. Take care, love one another, step up to the plate and Remember, we are all in this together.