Death is the hardest thing for humans to understand. Death is a process we will all go through. We enter death without knowing what happens next. Will we be with our loved ones again or in a different place when our time comes? This is the greatest question, I believe, that has ever been asked. I have my beliefs, and you have yours. Only in death will we know who was right.
As I grow older and friends and loved ones leave for the great beyond, I find loneliness slipping in. It truly becomes a greater task to find an end to the sadness and emptiness I feel. Must I continue to mourn until my dying day, or will peace find me before my time comes to an end? I’m at the age now where many of my friends are leaving this earth, and I start to wonder when my time might come. Although many die young as well as old, when we grow older, the wick of our candle grows shorter. With each passing breath, we are tempting fate. We shall die, and those who mourn us will do so as we did with so many others.
I suppose I should thank God for allowing me to get this far in life. I never believed I would see the age of thirty-three. I am now within days of my fifty-sixth birthday and am amazed that it has shown up so quickly. Where did all the years go? How is it that I still see myself in my twenties, but when I look in the mirror, those years are long past their existence? Have I fought the good fight? I believe I have. Have I spent my life wisely? This I must sadly say no to. There were so many choices, and yet I made few correct ones.
I look to the youth to find my strength to go on. I have fought to maintain my breath and know that my time too is running out. Will it be today or one of the tomorrows yet to come? This I do not know the answer to. I shall continue taking one breath at a time until the breath no longer enters my body.
I am here only by the grace of God, for on my own, I would have been dust many years ago. Many choices with many failures, but I live on while I watch better people who deserve so much more, return to the ground beneath. “Why, Lord, have I been allowed to grow older while the young with so much to give are taken away?” Where do I fit in the grand scheme of things? Am I here only to write these words or to right my wrongs? If I must right my wrongs, I shall live forever.
We all strive to leave this world on a good note, with many who will miss us and tell our tales. How can this happen when all those we know are already leaving? I mourn for those I have lost and find myself in a state of perpetual mourning. “Oh, Lord, let me have a break from this sadness. “Let me wake up to the living around me, and let the dead be few for a while.”
I write this with great sorrow in my heart as I learn of another friend being put to rest. I pray you have found the heaven you imagined, and your eternity will be one of true happiness, my friend. We followed the same God in life. May we meet once again after death. Peace be with you, “Big Jon.” You will be missed.
We must be allowed to mourn the passing of our loved ones. This does nothing for the dead but allows healing for the living. Our hearts break, and the repair is a long journey. Do not hold in what must be let out. Without wailing, our hearts cannot heal. Release the hurt and allow the healing to begin. May God be with you and yours. Remember, we are all in this together.