Tag: writer

Billy Scaggs

Categories
short stories

A Writer’s life within

     Only a writer knows what he/she will put down on paper. Whether it is fact or fiction, the writer must enter the pages before a word is even spelled out. To live in a writer’s mind would be unnerving to most. To take all the threads of thought and be able to string them together for the reader to understand, is a miracle in itself. How do these people function in the outside world with so much yet to be written? How do we put aside our writer’s thoughts to function outside the pages of his/her next great work spelled out for you, the reader.

Man typing on old typewriter
Trying to put emotions into words

      The paragraph above has truly been in my thoughts, as I to live in a writer’s world now. Before the accident that sidelined my career, I myself could never string two sentences together to help someone understand what I was thinking. I would’ve never been able to allow someone to look into my thoughts on any given subject, whether fact or fiction. Why now then am I able to do so? Why can I now paint a picture in someone’s mind using nothing but the words I put into print? I have a lot to learn to write a book and keep my audience engaged, but I can write short stories and keep my readers’ attention throughout.

     I have always been a good talker, (some would suggest, I am way too good at it) I can tell a story in casual conversation and make you feel as though you are living it as I speak. But, to write something and get the same reaction, now that’s a lot harder to accomplish. For you see, when I write, I have to imagine your expressions while you read. I cannot see how you are taking my stories while you are engaging in them. Face to face, I can adjust my emotions to help you get more from the story. But, when I write the story down, I can only use the words, without facial expression and imagine how you are taking my words in. How you are understanding what I am trying to explain is different and difficult.

     Everyone has their own imagination and without the help of the writers emotions being seen, how can I decide what words to use. Is there a universal set of words that all will understand? So what changed for me to be able to get through to you using only my thoughts and written words? I have found my answer to these questions, that satisfy my own mind, but I can’t speak for other writers and their thoughts on this subject.

Man studying papers at a desk, deep in thought
Finding the right words to use

     My adaptability to using the words on a page comes from speaking to myself within myself. I use my inner thoughts as an audience to my writing. I do ask a couple of family members to read some of my post before I publish them, so I can see their emotions as they read. This usually gives me confidence, however, I do get a feeling sometimes, they are just being kind. It takes the person I don’t know to give me a review before my confidence really goes up. I have also learned a lot from my wife with how to write down an idea and to explain it. (I am very thankful for her help) I have since moved on to using my own ways, whether they are correct or not.

      I began to have a lot of time within my own mind after my accident. I have gone through a bout of self pity, but have used that to help others. Depression has been a great part of dealing with myself, and I have been able to turn that into a positive through my written words. As I write, I feel a power of positivity flow through me and into my hands. This flow is what you are reading in my post. Depression is completely gone as long as I am writing.

     All in all, I have decided, the reason I have been able to write the way I do is simple. I have learned to spend more time inside my own thoughts and less time outside my own head. We all talk to ourselves from time to time, but I spend hours in deep conversations with myself, although not showing it on the outside. If I were to have my conversations with myself out loud, I would be writing with crayons inside a sanatorium. Best to keep my conversations quite, I think.

     I would like to hear how other writers are able to do what they do, or if they even know. Does it just come natural to some, most or all of them? Am I the freak amongst the crowd, or am I on the normal side of things with how I write? Of course, if this is normal, I worry about the great “Stephen King“. I would be afraid to discuss with myself in terms of the things he writes. I believe that would drive me insane. Furthermore, I know I will never be a great writer like Mr. King, but the thought that he discusses things with himself, the way I do, would be intriguing to know.

      I’m being selfish with this post because, it has been written as much for me as for my readers. I have been reading many post from many authors about anything and everything. As I read other post, it came to me about how they are able to write as they do. Are we the same, or am I a loose cannon? I would love to hear thoughts from other authors on this subject. Do you also talk to yourself and read to yourself to figure out how your audience will respond? Are the things you write about already a part of you, or do you have to go outside your mind to get your stories? Give me some answers here, so that I can better understand how I came about this ability to connect with others using printed words.

Bearded man in straight jacket yelling
Crazy to have conversations with one’s self?

     I suppose, if some guys with white suits show up at my door offering me a jacket with sleeves that tie in the back, I will have my answer of going crazy or not. Just in case, I won’t give you my address for now. Well, that’s it for now. I look forward to reading your thoughts. If you are an author, let me know if you write fiction or non-fiction and how you come up with your writing abilities. Take care, my friends. Until next time, remember, we are all in this together.

Not writer’s block, it’s writer’s pain

      I have to admit, this has not been one of my best weeks. In fact, it probably ranks in the lower half of all weeks that I have lived through. I started writing a few years after a work injury ended my career in mining. Along with helping keep my mind busy, I found that I was also helping others along the way with my thoughts and experiences put in print. Having nerve damage can be very painful at times. Even after years of dealing with this up and down pain and learning to handle what comes with it, there are days and sometimes weeks that are just too much to function with, let alone have the peace of mind to concentrate and write. This has been the case this week, no matter how many times I sat down to write this week’s post, I just couldn’t get started, let alone finish. Don’t get me wrong, I have many post in my head just waiting to come out and share with you, I just couldn’t sit still and concentrate long enough to get it done.

     The problem this week has nothing to do with writer’s block, more like writer’s pain that has been holding me back. I’m not the kind of writer who can create a lot of material and stockpile it for a later date to publish. I am the type that has to write at that moment of inspiration. It is true, I have a few posts started with the possibility of continuing at a later date. In these unfinished posts, none are more than two paragraphs long. I guess you could call them ideas more than posts. These will sit by the wayside until inspiration hits, and I can finish them. Some of these posts will never make it any farther than they are right now. I took some time this week and looked these over, with not even a hint of inspiration to grasp hold of. This is not to say that I couldn’t finish them as we speak, but they would not have the heart and soul I like to poor into my stories. If I ever finish a post without a small trickle of sweat on my brow, I know I haven’t put enough of myself into it yet.

A picture of a starry night with a quote by Billy Scaggs "Why look to the darkness of night when looking at the stars show the light?"
I’m reminded of what I was told about not seeing my inspiration. Thanks Doc

     Today, a very wise man (one of my doctors) suggested I write about how I have felt this week and be true to my word about it. He said that inspiration has been with me all week, I just wasn’t paying attention. I never realized pain could be a form of inspiration, especially someone who deals with it day-to-day.

     After starting this blog to help myself, a little over a year now, I have come to write more for your benefit than mine. This has done more good for me than it did when I started, I now have a reason to write other than keeping my mind busy. I now feel I’m maybe helping others who take a few minutes to read my posts. I feel almost selfish writing this post because I keep thinking, in some way, I am letting you down not posting my normal stuff. At this point, I’m not even sure that I will even publish this.

     I have never and will never believe the pain I go through is in any way worse than someone else’s. There are multitudes of people that are much worse off than I am. I can only write about what I know and let the others tell their own stories. I do, however, share a bond with others suffering from nerve damage. My sciatic nerve was damaged and there are many times I have parts of the left side of my body go numb, itch, ache and worse of all is the burning sensations that come to me. Real bad weeks like this one is when all of these symptoms come on at once and includes not just parts, but the whole left side of my body. When this happens, my normal insomnia becomes super insomnia, which, of course, stacks pain on top of pain without rest to break it up. Alas, here is where the problem of writing becomes huge, or as I like to call it, writer’s pain.

     The more I think about it, I’m becoming convinced that maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there that may get some good out of this post. If this is true and not just me over thinking, I would do that person an injustice by keeping this from being published. As long as I find this to be true and as long as I don’t convince myself otherwise, I will publish this as soon as I finish writing. I want to let others who deal with nerve damage know, I understand. I know how it feels when a slight change in temperature, change in barometric pressure or even a slight breeze can set off the pain in your body. This is no carnival ride, for sure. I guess the worst part about it is when people can’t see your injury, they sometimes don’t believe how you can possibly be hurt. If you’re not wearing a cast, you must be faking. Then comes the time when you find someone else who is suffering from the same thing, and you realize, “Hmm, I’m not crazy after all!” Just because an injury cannot be seen from the outside, doesn’t mean it’s not very real on the inside.

The last paragraph is for those who have nerve damage. Those who don’t share in this infliction, have no idea how it truly affects you. We, who do, learn to hide it the best we can for those who don’t.

I guess I should wrap this up now. Once I got started writing, it was hard to stop because while writing, the pain seems to disappear or at least, I don’t notice it quite so much. Thank you for allowing me to get away from my normal writing this week while I get my body to calm down. I will be posting again next week, going back to my normal writing. Take care, God bless and as always Remember, we are all in this together.