If you are one of my readers, I’m sure you have noticed that I haven’t written a post of my own for a couple of weeks. I want to apologize, and I have decided to let you know why. I did get some great guest post writers during this time to make sure that you guys had something to read and learn from. I would like to thank Laura Moseley and Julia Mitchell for their great post, especially during this time. I believe they are both outstanding writers and feel you should go to their websites and see what else they have to offer. I hope to have them both back very soon.
Some of you know that I suffer nerve damage from an accident I had while working in a copper mine in Arizona. This is not an excuse for not writing, however, it has something to do with my absence. Just about everybody understands what nerve damage can do and the pain that goes with it. Things such as burning, losing control of extremities, itching, tightness and swelling to name a few. What those that have never experienced nerve damage don’t understand is the anxiety, depression and anger that come along as though the pain alone isn’t enough.
My anxiety has been through the roof, as of late, but that I handle with medication. The problem that has sidelined me has been pure anger. How can I write an uplifting post for my readers if I can’t even uplift myself? You may ask yourself why the anger? This I will try to explain the best that I can. Those of you in this position understand, but may not be able to find a way out of it. Although, I myself have been having great struggles with anger as of late, I have also been able to finally curtail it, but it has not been easy.
I have always been a person who jumps to get done whatever it is to be done in the safest, yet fastest way possible. I may complain and use some choice words during this time, but I was always working to finish the job, even while using the childish “complain phase”. Furthermore, I’ve done jobs that I hated, but I still got the job done. After becoming disabled, my whole world got turned upside down. All of a sudden, I can no longer jump right in and get the job done. No longer can I do what I want and speed through any situation. I now have to slow down and not do the things I used to be able to do, without major struggles. This alone makes me angry. And yet there is so much more to it.
Some things that I go through, have no explanations, and I will not try to explain to you what I can’t even explain to myself. The focus of this is to explain what I do know. I know that when I lose control of my hand and drop or crush a can of soda, anger is quick to come. I know that when I fall down in front of someone, without an obstacle causing it, first comes embarrassment, but anger is not far behind. The falls I keep to a minimum using a cane, yet even the stick fails me now and then.
So, throughout all my rambling and complaining, am I looking for sympathy? No, I am not! I am getting angry just admitting some of the things that make me angry. Crazy, huh? The only reason I decided to write this is to help others, in the same situation, to know there are others of us, and we need to be open about it and stop allowing the anger to get the best of us. Holding the anger in just multiplies it, however, we don’t want it to come out on others around us. I have found going to be by myself is the best I can do.
There are things like mindfulness that help in these situations, but I have found, I still must be alone for it to work. So alone time is the way to go in my opinion. The only thing to keep in mind, is don’t allow negative thoughts come in while relieving myself of anger. This is what I have been going through as of late. I believe I now have it under control, for the meantime. I am generally a kind person and when the anger hits, it is a shock to my system.
Most people that read this post will have no real idea of what I’m explaining. I would like to tell those people, there are people you know that are dealing with this and if they say to give them some space, time or to leave them alone, please give them this time to refocus. There is very little you can say to help other than you are there for them when needed.
Once again, I want to apologize to my readers for my absence. I will try to get back to my normal writing soon. I also am in the mist of creating a second website, where I have been writing short stories in various genres and will attach it to this website for those that have an interest, once it goes live. Furthermore, I want to thank you for sticking with me during this time, and I hope to bring more followers on board to help C.S.I grow. Take care, my friends, and remember, we are all in this together.