First off, you can win a discussion. You can win a debate. You cannot win an argument. This is because once a discussion or debate becomes an argument, there is no logical conclusion. Even if all the facts you have presented are found to be true, the other person is too upset to see them. It goes both ways, if the other person has all the facts that check out, you are too upset to see them as well. So the only way to win an argument is to not argue.
A wise man once said that it is better to listen and be thought of as a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. So once a discussion or debate as it were, becomes heated and heading to an argument, just shut up! This is against human nature because nobody wants to be wrong. We always want to be right, even when we are wrong.
One of two things will happen after an argument. Firstly would be never to speak of it and possibly each other ever again. The second and usually the case is someone says they are sorry.
Let me say this about sorry, it may make you feel better for saying it, but did it really do any good? Most of the time all sorry is a cheap word thrown around to get someone out of trouble (as my wife has taught me). If you don’t believe that, next time someone tells you they are sorry, think about your first thought afterwards. Was that thought; Do they really mean it? Or maybe; that’s not fair to bow out like that. If you use sorry too many times, it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Just another scapegoat way of getting out of trouble. When you told someone you were sorry, did you really mean it, or are you just looking for peace in the situation?
Everybody that is reading this column, at least the ones that haven’t given up on it yet, have gotten a vision of one side or the other that has happened to them. Hmm, did he or she really mean it? Did I really mean it when I used it?
It takes two to argue, unless you have mental issues that allow you to argue with yourself. One of the quotes I put up, gets to this point when talking to yourself. Go to my quotes page to read it.
We know now that an argument really is never won, so what do we do, Billy? First off, if you are having a discussion or debate, and it starts getting heated, just shut up. You state your case and then stop talking. The other person may get mad and start yelling even more, but hey, if you are no longer involved, then they are arguing with themselves. It won’t take long, and they will figure it out too. Nothing worse than getting caught arguing with yourself. Trust me, my wife gets me arguing by myself quite often.
So can you when an argument? The answer is yes if you don’t get involved in the first place. And next time you feel the need to tell someone you are sorry, change it up a bit and tell them “I apologize, I believe we can work this out if we can be civil and not raise our voices. Will you allow me the opportunity to make this right?” Sounds better than that empty word sorry, doesn’t it? Take care out there and Remember, we are all in this together.